John Baptista Porta and 'sports against women'

In my last post, I spoke a little bit about John Baptista Porta's 1658 work Natural Magick, and outlined some of his remedies for 'beautifying women' that are contained in the book's ninth chapter. Most interestingly, though, this chapter is concluded by half a page of suggestions for 'some sports against women', an idea which can surely be paraphrased as 'practical jokes'. Whilst some readers might read this as undermining their belief in the credibility of what Porta has outlined in the preceding pages, what struck me most was the very real sense of humour that comes across at the end of this chapter. Porta seems to acknowledge two things: firstly, beauty remedies are indeed useful and desirable for women, and, secondly, that these remedies also offer an opportunity for some, erm, tricks to be played at the expense of some of the vainer women in his readership. It should be said, though, that Pliny and Avicenna seem to be the root culprits for these jokes, rather than Porta himself.

Below I have transcribed my three favourite examples of these practical jokes. I do not, however, take any responsibility for providing any readers with ammunition to enact these tricks on siblings / flatmates / spouses! All of the following quotations are taken from the EEBO edition of the 1658 work, and are from p. 253.

'To make a woman full of red pimples.

Of a Stellio is made an ill Medicament: for when he is dead in Wine, all the Faces of those that drink of it, will be red-spotted Wherefore, they that would disfigure Whores, kill him in an Oyntment. The Remedy is, the yelk of an Egg, Honey and Glass. Pliny'.

'To make the Face green.

Avicenna saith, That the Decoction of Chamaeleon, put into a bath, will make him green-coloured that stays long in that bath; and then by degrees he will recover his former colour'.

'To make the Hair fall off the Head and Beard.

Touch any part of mans body with a matter white as milk, that the Salamander vomits up out of its mouth, and the Hairs will fall off; and what is touched is changed into the Leprosie. Pliny'.

The writers of Bride Wars could have done with access to Porta's text, too!

1. John Baptista Porta, Natural Magick (London: 1658), in EEBO.

2. Picture: Kate Hudson in Bride Wars, http://couturecouture.files.wordpress.com/2010/02/kate-hudson-from-bride-wars.jpg

© Jenna Townend 2013